Monday, June 19, 2017

Sweet Robin

If loss stories are too hard for you, please scroll to the bottom of the page for the pattern <3

I didn't think I'd be sitting here, again. Writing these words, again. Feeling so much heartbreak, again.

I wrote back in 2013, about how when we loose a baby, we join a club that noone ever wants to be a part of, but we don't ever get to leave. The Baby Loss Club. It's exclusive, but oh so painful. We're here and yet, we don't want to be. We'd give every ounce of our beings to trade that card in, hand it back, cash in our membership and walk away. We desperately wish we never joined this club.

Sadly, we can't. It's a lifetime gig. Now, I find myself a part of the frequent flyer section, of this horrible club. We lost another precious angel this weekend. We'd been trying to grow our family since we lost Alice this past December, and finally thought our luck was changing. Boy was I wrong. Friday was probably the unluckiest days in my life.

It's a long story. Its traumatic and horrible and cruel. I'm not ready to write it all out yet. Between broken machines and hospital stuff ups, I had one of the most horrible days on Friday that I have ever had. If it wasn't for the support of my best friend and my partner, I don't quite know how I would have made it through.

Having to call my partner and tell him that our baby, who should have been 12 weeks along, had stopped growing at just 9 and had no heartbeat, was right up there on the list of hardest things I've ever had to do.

Coming home to tell my girls, so hard. The words didn't want to come out. They didn't want to form. They have questions that I have no answers to, and probably never will. As a family, our hearts are broken. We've cried so many tears. We are devastated.

Surely you'd think that was enough for one day. Surely the universe can't throw anything else at someone who is already so down? You'd think so, but no. My partner drove my friend back to the hospital that evening to pick her car up (she'd driven me home in ours, I was in no condition to drive) and on the way there our car got ran into. Thankfully everyone was ok, but my poor car will need extensive repairs and will be out of action for a while.

When it rains, it pours, isn't that how the saying goes? Well it sure poured, because to top the day off, both me and Master J ended up with headcolds as well. Just what we needed!

It's been a crappy weekend to follow a shitty Friday. I'm left feeling horrible and broken and angry. I have so much angry to work through right now that I can't even start on working through all the other feelings I have.

Beautiful little Robin. Gone too soon. Joining Frankie and Alice.
I am 1 in 4
I am broken.

Sweet Robin

You Will Need
3.5mm hook
2.00mm hook
Yarn in a main and contrasting colours for body and black for the beak.
Fabric paint/plastic eyes/beads
Small amount of stuffing

With 3.5mm hook and main colour

1: 6sc into a magic ring, place marker - 6sc
2: *sc in the next stitch, 2sc in the next stitch*, repeat around - 9sc
3: *sc in the next 2 stitches, 2sc in the next stitch*, repeat around - 12sc
4: *sc in the next 3 stitches, 2sc in the next stitch*, repeat around - 15sc
5: sc in teach stitch around - 15sc
6: *sc in the next 4 stitches, 2sc in the next stitch*, repeat around - 18sc
7-8: sc in each stitch around - 18sc
9: sc2tg 9 times - 9sc
Stuff well
10: sc in the next stitch, sc2tg 4 times - 5sc

End off leaving a long tail, use the tail to close the remaining hole by gathering it shut.

With contrasting colour and 3.5mm hook

1: ch5, sc in the 2nd chain from hook and each across - 4sc
2-3: ch1, turn, sc across - 4sc
4: ch1, turn, 2sc in the first stitch, 2hdc in each of the next 2 stitches, 2sc in the last stitch -8 stitches

End off. Row 4 goes to the bottom of the bird. Stitch it onto the front of the body.

With main colour and 3.5mm hook

1: ch3, sc in the 2nd chain from hook and the next stitch -2sc
2-3: ch1, turn, sc in each stitch - 2sc
4: ch1, sc 3 times down the side of the tail, 2sc in each of the ch2 spaces from row 1 we used to start the tail, sc evenly 3 times up the next side, 2sc in each of the 2 top stitches, join to the ch1. End off leaving a long tail to attach to the body of the bird.

Wings x2
With main colour and 3.5mm hook

Into a magic ring, sc 4 times, trc 2 times, sc 4 times, pull tight and join to the first sc. End off leaving a long tail for sewing to the side of the body.

Repeat to make second wing.

With black and a 2.00mm hook

Attach black yarn with a slst to the place on the face that you want the beak to be, chain 3 and then end off with a long tail. Using the tail stitch back through the same place you joined the yarn, so that the ch3 folds in on itself to create the beak. Secure both ends and weave in.

Use fabric paint or stitch on eyes, or use beads.